Rubber Ducky you’re the—MRRPFH!

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 Yes my friends, that is indeed a rubber ducky ballgag in that model’s mouth.
I very near flipped out in excitement when I first saw the photo and decided, I. NEED. ONE. NOW.
Unfortunately for me, Google isn’t helping me track down a place where I could get one online, just tons of photos of cute Asian girls wandering around with the gags in their mouths.
Tips me off to being a ‘Japan Thing’, which is awesome so it slims down my search a little bit.
What’s even more amazing is if this gag squeaks, the SAM in me would have a fucking field day.
-cackle-
Although, it may just land me in the naughty corner.
Only time will tell.

Bottom’s Disease & “No Limits”

 While nosing through SubmissiveGuide, in a furthering of my education of BDSM as I am one submissive whom doesn’t claim to know everything there is to know about it.
And I certainly don’t. While I’m past the ‘novice’ or ‘newbie’ stage, I’m always open to learning something new about it.
Last night I came across posts on ‘bottom’s disease’ or as I would like to call it ‘s-type’s disease’ so one could fill in their desired title and on ‘no-limits’ submissives and why such a thing technically doesn’t exist.
bottom’s disease
 
bottom’s disease is labeled as such because of the growing ‘epidemic’ with s-types becoming doormats.
 
Doormats are not sexy. They get walked all over, rained on, feet get wiped on them, what have you.
 
This is a growing concern in the kink community because the s-type becomes so engulfed in their D-type, that they forget their wants and needs. They become almost like a husk, and the s-type’s other priorities start to suffer, and ultimately the s-type will drop.
It’s perfectly OK to make sure that your D-type is happy and satisfied, but please, don’t forget about yourself too. A s-type operating at 0% is useless.
It’s also perfectly fine if this is such a part of your dynamic is consensually negotiated beforehand, but make sure there is room in that negotiating where the s-type can have time to gather themselves back up  and do something they enjoy.
When one revolves solely around their D-type for EVERY SINGLE THING it becomes unhealthy.
What for instance, would happen should the relationship deteriorate down the line?
“Oh we’ll fight it out until we reach an agreement.”
Suppose that could work for some, but it takes two for this relationship to work. I would not want to be subjected to having my needs and wants pushed aside because my D-type thinks they’re Master Domly Dom Master of The Universe.
But hey, if that’s what makes you have your jollies at the end of the day, all the power to you. Just please, make sure such a thing is well thought out and discussed because this could have severe psychological side-effects.
‘No Limits’ and why it doesn’t exist
 
Luna brought up a fabulous point of why ‘No Limits’ doesn’t exist. You can claim ‘no limits’ all you want, but there’s no D-type out there that is into everything and anything that falls under the kink umbrella. (and if there is, I’d like to meet.)
For example a D-type and s-type are negotiating, s-type says, “I have no limits.” D-type says, “I’m into cutting and watersports.” s-type’s lightbulb goes off and SUDDENLY this doesn’t sound like the greatest idea.
So, while yes, you can be ‘no limits’, you’re actually playing within the confines of the D-type’s limits, whatever they might be. Eventually down the line the D-type is going to bring up something you don’t really want to do, therefore, you too, have limits.
I don’t like being choked or having my hair pulled, among other things that I find squeemish or just not sexy in the slightest. I have limits, My Dominant respects them.
She doesn’t push me, pushing me will only send me into a panic attack and fuck’s sake, that’s not sexy either.

D/s Communication: Part II

[I honestly do not know what I did with Part I. I probably deleted it by accident or ate it.]

If you want your D-type to do something, you have to tell them or ask them. D-types don’t have special mind-reading powers. If they did, that would suck all the fun out of it. (lit: begging.)

“I wish my D-type would do xyz to me.” isn’t going to get you very far unless you open your mouth and tell them. If it’s fear that’s holding you back, write it down, hand it to them. We’re travelling back to a basic building block of communication. Relationships thrive on that. You wouldn’t be in a D/s relationship unless you discussed it in some form or another, right?

My Dominant often asks, “What do you want me to do?” not only because I think it’s hot she’s opening the floor to me telling her (or showing her, because I’m a very ‘hands on’ hohoho kind of girl.) but because SHE CAN’T READ MY MIND.

Something’s bothering me? I tell her. I need a fuck? I tell her. I NEED A FUCKING CUDDLE SESH? I TELL HER.

See where I’m going with this?

You want something? You tell or ask for it, and then you either discuss it, or your D-type will say, “Ok, next play session, we’ll work on that.” That being whatever it is you want more of or to start doing.

On Loneliness…

Since I’ve seen a lot of baaaaaawwwwing around these parts about LDRs/loneliness, here’s a few pointers from someone’s who in the same boat:

1. DON’T sit around and baw. That’s the biggest piece of advice I can give.

Well gee, what can I do then, Kitty?

Here’s what I do:

I pick up my phone I read over old conversations, a few times or twelve

I look at the pictures I have saved in it while I’m at it

I play a video game, I stick to to it to completion

I read a book

I ‘spring cleaned’ my bedroom, got rid of a lot of shit I don’t even wear/use/need any more

The laundry that’s piling up

Tweet/IM with friends about mundane shit

Update one of my MANY MANY blogs

I play Words With Friends with random opponents, friends, and family members

I play The Sims, and exhaust all the possible ways you can kill them

I catch up on TV shows that I’ve been neglecting on Hulu or Netflix

I watch movies on Netflix

I have an anime convention I attend for three days in June, I come back with tonnes of new and old friendships

and much, much, much more.

By the time I feel a pang of loneliness, Rin  is sending me a text message or ringin’ my phone.

Do I have bouts of loneliness? Sure! But I power through it, and get on with my life because my life doesn’t stop just ‘cos I’m lonely. Laundry’s not going to wash itself, yanno.

So please, don’t sit around and baw, because that’s only going to make time go slower and the slower time is, the longer the gap is between chats with your partner.

Get off your butt and DO something and before you know it, your SO is contacting you again via your preferred method of contact