2.5.13

Keyboard smarshing.

Smarshing.

You read that correctly.

So I got another SSA letter in the mail yesterday. Another CE (Basically they want me to see ‘their doctors’.)

This one is for a Psychologist. A Quack. A Shrink. A Shrinky Fink.

Cue anxiety.

I don’t like talking ’bout things verbally to people.

Let alone people I don’t know.

So I’m on the fence about this Shrinky Fink visit.

On the one foot, I can prove I have anxiety/depression, not “You need to get out of the house more.” (Parents.) or “I’m only saying that because it’s the cute/trendy thing.” ANXIETY AND/OR DEPRESSION ISN’T ‘CUTE’ OR ‘TRENDY’, people.  (My so-called ‘friends’.)

and then on the other foot, it’s just pure panic. Full-on “I want to dig a hole and die in it.”

And then on the one hand, I don’t want to ‘fix’ this by pumping myself full of counter-act drugs, and become Kitty the Antidepressant/Antianxiety Zombie. I rather feel panic than nothing at all.

Sure, I’m well aware there are screws loose in my head, but I’m a l’Cie, same as you.

Wait a second…

There’s just screws loose. I’m playing too much FFXIII again.

So yeah, while I DO want to get better, and have a definite answer to things I already am well aware of having. (Depression, general & social anxiety.) The whole ordeal of talking to a complete stranger about what’s going on in my head?……Gyahhh.

We’ll see how it goes…

In other news, I’ve finally heard Tegan And Sara’s new album in its entirety and holy crow, can I relate to almost every track on it.

7 Replies to “2.5.13”

  1. FFXIII? oh we need to sit and talk games sometime! We are currently playing Tales of Vesperia.

    Enough Fantasy and back to reality. I hope the visit with the Shrinky Fink gives you some insight and you don’t end up like a Zombie.

  2. Stopping by from Made in a Day Blog Hop.

    I know it’s hard to go to those Shrinky Fink people.The first time I went, I just sat there and looked at her for what seemed like 20 minutes before she asked a question . Then the whole time, I gave her one word answers. It wasn’t until the second visit, that she asked me the most random of questions and I started yapping….and it eventually went into my whole life story! I thought after I left there…”Damn, she’s good!” Long story short, she made me feel better and I was able to open up to her. Good luck with your visit.

    Btw, I am doing a little v-day giveaway on the blog. So please stop by.
    http://www.kgstyleblogs.com

  3. I can relate to you. I’m not good verbally but when it came to describing how I felt to my psychiatrist , I wasn’t perfect but she was understanding. Hopefully, your shrink is the same.

    Yeah, I was scared about going on medication too when I first started but they aren’t supposed to make you become a zombie. They aren’t working if they do that to you, something I learnt on my own journey. It’s what you think is best for yourself. I wish you luck on that.!

  4. My husband has anxiety and depression and we’ve certainly had our ups and downs with it. I’m sorry you’re worried about your appointment and the possible consequences. Mr. E went off his meds in favor of a regular workout schedule (though he’s become a bit lax in that regard) and it worked passably well for him. Hope everything works out for you.

  5. I absolutely hear you…I have social anxiety and have yet to talk to anyone professional about it (because, well, of the social anxiety!). I get extremely anxious communicating verbally to the point where phones cause me so much stress, since its basically complete reliance on verbal communication. ugh! Best of luck and I hope the visit is able to help.

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