How would you rate your self-confidence? When is it at its lowest? When is it at its highest?
My self-confidence quite literally can fluctuate by the minute. At one minute I can feel like I’m a hot piece of ass and the next minute I’m a gross piece of trash.
It has however, been improving. I’m working on making it a more positive experience. I am working on coming out on top with my eating disorder. I’m diligently trying to teach myself to say “Thank you.” and smile instead of “Shut up, you’re just saying that.” and grumble when someone compliments me. There’s always going to be that nagging feeling that someone’s just complimenting me just to say it and what they really mean is all these horrible things that I think are the truth, but they’re really not.
It is really true that if you get so much negative comments thrown at you from horrible people who you see in life, you begin to think that it is in fact, true. Your self-image becomes so warped by other peoples’ opinions that it is sometimes very difficult to get it skewed back into place.
I have a wonderful support group behind me and while recovery and unwarping my self-image isn’t always sunshine and puppies, I’m at least making an effort to turn it around.