i’ve talked about heavy topics in the past: being sexually assaulted, verbally abused, my on-going struggle with an eating disorder and overcoming self-harm but i never really spoke about the emotional abuse i deal with on a near-daily basis.
My own mother is my abuser.
my mother was often emotionally abused by my grandmother and the traits just passed right on down. i never really knew i was being emotionally abused until literally a few days ago. there was a couple posts on Tumblr that listed signs of emotional abuse and my mother’s habits just ticked almost every box and i have endured this since i was a teenager!
- my parents have fought violently, often right in front of me
- my mother is -extremely- overprotective to the point where i don’t bother to leave the house. this has caused me extreme agoraphobia. i don’t leave the house because i don’t want to deal with the 9,000 questions that come with trying to spend time with friends.
- my passions are made fun of, are considered “gross” or “weird”. cosplaying for me is an escape. to step out of my own head and into the head of a character. less noise i have to deal with.
- i’m told often that “‘i’m too sensitive” that “i cry at the drop of a hat” it’s true, i do cry easily. but it is frustrating to be made fun of about it
- i can never talk to my mother about things that are bothering me, in fear she’s going to lash out somehow. when we DO talk about things, it’s normally forced out of me.
- “‘I’m only kidding,” doesn’t change the fact that it’s verbal abuse.
luckily, there is help.
i have an amazing support system that gets me through the day. G is almost always on call if i need an escape and luckily i do not get the 9k question thing when going out with G.
some day i’ll get out of this abusive household and into a loving one, with my partner by my side, our fluffy children and i won’t have to hear that bullshit anymore.
and people wonder why i have trust issues.